Archive for December, 2010

From the Bottom Shelf of the Direct-to-DVD Bin I Stab At Thee

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

And speaking of cheesy movies about oceanic killing machines, they’ve made another film version of Moby Dick, only instead of a 19th century whaling ship, it’s a 21st century nuclear sub. Barry Bostwick plays Ahab. (Brad’s had a pretty good career in Hollywood, all things considered.) A trailer indicates it’s every bit as good as you would expect:

Wow, that may actually eclipse Pinocchio in Outer Space as the worst adaptation of Moby Dick ever.

Can Moby Dick vs. Crocosaurus be far behind?

(Hat tip: Belmont Club.)

Movie Review: Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead
Director: Sidney Lumet
Writer: Kelly Masterson
Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Albert Finney, Marisa Tomei, Michael Shannon

This is a “heist gone wrong” film that had gotten lots of great reviews, including from some of my friends. And having seen it, I can see why; it’s extremely well-done. (You would hope the guy who directed Network would remember a thing or two about making movies.) But I’m not quite as enthusiastic about this film as others, mainly because it’s sort of like Fargo, but without the laughs or Marge Gunderson. It’s like being in a car at the top of steep, icy hill that almost immediately starts sliding. And pretty much the entire movie is the characters sliding down that hill, with the only question being exactly how bad the crash will be. And the answer, after nearly two hours of watching them squirm, screw up and go blood simple, is very bad indeed.

The action unfolds in non-linear fashion, following first one character and then another. We see the heist go wrong in the first 10 minutes of the film, but its only later that we understand just how wrong it went, and how the consequences from it just keep getting worse.

The performances are uniformly excellent, while the script is interesting without being engaging; Hoffman’s character is so unlikable, and Hawke’s character such a weak-willed pushover, that we regard them less with sympathy than critical detachment. The direction is solid, but many scenes could have been edited; Lumet likes to watch his characters flail and squirm a bit too much, and this film could have easily been 10-15 minutes shorter and have more impact.

Whether you’ll enjoy watching it depends on how much you like watching that long, agonizing slide down the icy hill. And Marisa Tomei is still quite lovely (and, here, frequently undressed). But many viewers will find it an uncomfortable ride.

Books Read: Zoran Zivkovic’s Impossible Encounters

Monday, December 6th, 2010

Impossible Encounters
By Zoran Zivkovic
Polaris, 2000

This is a short book of six stories by Yugoslavian Serbian writer Zoran Zivkovic, each dealing with an impossivle situation (post-mortem, a conversation with God, a writer visited by his own character, etc.), and each of which feature, recursively, a book called Impossible Encounters. These are well crafted, but somewhat slight, and, as Bruce Sterling noted in his Nova Express review, somewhat stateless, existing in a world where “trains have no destinations, streets have no names, rivers and mountains have no histories, and characters have no ethnicities. It’s a very quiet world of used bookstores, family dining tables, and cramped university offices.”

I’m not sure I would want to read too many of these in a row, but they make nice “palate cleansers” between other fiction.

Since the Belgrade Polaris editions will probably be hard to come by, if you’re interested in reading these, they’re collected (along with several other Zovkovic books published by Polaris) in the PS Publishing collection Impossible Stories. I don’t have a copy of that for sale anymore, but I do have a copy of Impossible Stories II available if you’re interested.

Public Service Announcement

Monday, December 6th, 2010

Just for the record, I would like to note that I am not a 53-year old homeless Florida would-be bank robber. I am also distinctly paler of hue.

Also, while I have never robbed a bank in the past, and have no plans to knock over a bank in the future, I assure you that if I did, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to attempt it unarmed. After all, as Al Capone once noted: “You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.”

MST3K Gamera Films Coming to DVD

Saturday, December 4th, 2010

According to this, a box set of all the MST3K Gamera films is in the works.

In celebration, here’s the Gamera Theme Song:

A Cavalcade of Craptacular Shark Cinema

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

News that Venice is flooding (no, really), reminded me of something I sent around to all my friends before I put this blog up: The trailer for the totally cheestacular Sharks in Venice:

A movie that combines a bad Jaws rip-off with a bad Da Vinci Code/National Treasure ripoff, bad CGI, bad music, a bad Baldwin brother, and a bad Johansson sister. (Evidently Neil Connery was unavailable.) It checks it at an abysmal 3.0 on the IMDB; you almost have to try to get a ranking that low.

It actually looks worse than Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus:

Much less Sharktopus:

Got to admit that’s some groovy theme music, daddy-o. And before I started writing this blog post, I didn’t even know that Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus existed:

These are great times for bad shark movie aficionados…

New World’s Hottest Pepper: The Naga Viper

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Or so they claim. It comes in at a hefty 1,359,000 Scoville units, or about 7 times hotter than the average Habanero.

I am something of a chilihead, and am renowned near and fa-, well, actually, only near, for making a very hot salsa. (It earned Honorable Mention in the Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Contest a couple of years.) However, having tasted Melinda’s Naga Jolokia Hot Sauce, made from the previous hottest pepper (also known as the “ghost pepper”), I’m not sure I’m up to the task. It’s not that my taste buds aren’t up to it; rather the problem lies at, ah, the other end. My body has let me know in no uncertain terms that if I want to eat something that hot, it’s going to pass it through my gastrointestinal tract as fast as it possibly can. This, needless to say, has its downside.

Still, I’d be willing to try this. Once.

(Hat tip: Fark.)

In The Sunken Tattoo Upon Your Back, Dead Cthulhu Lies Dreaming

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

I’m not particularly a tattoo fan, but these Cthulhu tattoos are something to behold.

Bookstore Owner Stabbed to Death

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Sherry Black of B&W Books and Billards of Salt Lake City. She was also the mother-in-law of Utah Jazz owner Greg Miller.

As far as I know, I never bought any books from (or sold any to) her, but I’ve bought so many books over the years that you never know. Robberies of book stores are pretty rare, since would-be robbers tend to concentrate on businesses that actually have money. (Q: How can you make a small fortune in the bookselling business? A: Start with a large fortune.)

How Carefully Do Shipping Companies Handle Your Packages?

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Popular Mechanics sets out to find out, using boxes filled with sensors. There’s no clear winner.

Since I ship and receive a lot of books during the year, this is a topic of some interest. Since I’ve had many books shipped to me damaged in transit over the years, I always pack the books I send out on the assumption that they’ll be treated with the same gentle care the gorilla gave that American Tourister suitcase:

So everything I mail usually has at least bubblewrap around the book in a bed of packing peanuts inside a sturdy cardboard box.

However, the test seems to have concentrated on overnight and express service. I would like to see if trhere are any differences with the way Media Mail or FedEx Ground. (Remember that FedEx Ground used to be Roadway Package Systems, one of the most incompetent shipping companies ever. They’re improved a lot since the RPS days, but as far as I can tell, they’re still not up to the level of regular FedEx. (And DHL no longer serves the American domestic market.)

(Hat tip: Instapundit.)