Posts Tagged ‘Bulwer-Lytton Contest’

Major Award Announcement: Runner-Up to Awfulness

Monday, July 15th, 2013

I am proud to announce that I have “won” (if won is the proper word) the coveted Grand Panjandrum’s Special Award in the Bulwer-Lytton Contest.

The Bulwer-Lytton Contest is to write the worst possible opening sentence to a non-existent novel. I’ve won Dishonorable Mention several times, but this is the first time I’ve placed higher (Grand Panjandrum’s is essentially equivalent to second place).

My “winning” entry, in all its dubious glory:

“Don’t know no tunnels hereabout,” said the old-timer, “unless you mean the abandoned subway line that runs from Hanging Hill, under that weird ruined church, beneath the Indian burial ground, past the dilapidated Usher mansion, and out to the old abandoned asylum for the criminally insane where they had all those murders.”

Look upon my prose, ye mighty…

The Honorable Kind of Dishonorable

Monday, July 25th, 2011

Once again I have won a coveted Dishonorable Mention in the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest. As in one previous entry, my contribution deals with the joys of the writer’s style…

This Year’s Bulwer-Lytton Contest “Winners”

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

The gratifyingly horrible winners can be found here.

I’ve won Dishonorable Mention three or four times in the past, but haven’t been submitting the last couple of years. I’ll try to rectify that next year.

And here, for a defense of the career of Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron of Knebworth, is Jess Nevins.