Posts Tagged ‘suckitude’

Worst. Webpage. Ever.

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

Oh. My. God.

Someone saved Bello De Soto’s wesbite for posterity.

Who is Bello De Soto, you ask? Oh, nobody important, except for the fact that she designed the worst website in the history of the world. It’s like the The Star Wars Holiday special of web design; you can’t understand just how bad it is until you’ve experienced it.

I had a friend who tried to load this on Safari, and it crashed so hard he needed to reboot his iPhone. (Loading it in Firefox seems to create no harmful effects, other than aesthetically. Then again, I have enough memory to load the 503 MB of horror without problems.)

Here’s a big ass picture of that page, and here’s a video of someone from Web Pages That Suck loading the page.

The original website is no longer up, presumably because web designers carrying pitchforks and torches destroyed the evil laboratory in which it was created…

Peter Gabriel to Release an Album of Covers (And I’m Afraid It Might Suck)

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

The news on this has been out a while, but the release is less than a month away. The album is called Scratch My Back.

I have mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand, I’m a huge Peter Gabriel fan. (Hell, I even bought Ovo, which is largely an overpriced bag of suck with a few bright spots.) Peter Gabriel III still ranks among my favorite albums of all time.

On the other hand, when artists I like came out with similar albums (Fish’s Songs from the Mirror and Tori Amos’ Strange Little Girls), they sucked pretty hard. Plus I think the “orchestral versions, no drums or guitars” idea sounds more like a lame gimmick than a wisely-considered choice.

Anyway, for an advanced taste, here’s Gabriel covering David Bowie’s “Heroes”. The orchestration is actually more interesting than Gabriel’s vocals here. It reminds me somewhat of John Adams’ “Phrygian Gates”.

And here’s his cover of Radiohead’s “Street Spirit (Fade Out)”. Man, Gabriel’s voice sounds awful, much worse than Tom Waits, but without his pitch or power. I sure hope this isn’t the final version. And the original version of that song is great.

And those two (along with Paul Simon’s “Boy in the Bubble”) were the covers I was most interested in hearing.

I hate to say it, but if Gabriel’s voice is really that blown, maybe he should stick to soundtracks. (His soundtracks for Birdy, The Last Temptation Of Christ and Rabbit-Proof Fence were all excellent.)

DVD Review of Drunken Fist Boxing (Summary: AVOID)

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

A couple of weeks ago, some friends got in a copy of Drunken Fist Boxing, the sequel to Jackie Chan’s breakthrough film Drunken Master. We thought: It’s a Jackie Chan film, how bad could it be?

The problem is, despite Jackie being featured prominently on the DVD cover, this is not a Jackie Chan film; the only footage of him in the film is flashbacks to Drunken Master, making it the cinematic equivalent of a clip-show. But that’s not the only thing that makes it a ripoff. I would say this is a crappy pan-and-scan video transfer, but there’s actually no scanning: they just chop off parts of the screen. There are times when there are obviously supposed to be two people talking to each other, but one of them is completely off the edge of the screen. Plus the dubbing is atrocious; sometimes you can’t even figure out what they’re trying to say.

See this?

See Jackie Chan’s face
on the cover?

It’s a dirty, rotten LIE!

Occasionally you get some decent kung fu (when you can see it), and a generic plot about the teacher from Drunken Master training two students, one of which is the very hot Pan Pan Yeung, when an old enemy of the master shows up in town and…look, it’s a sub-Shaw Brothers kung fu flick from 1979. The plot only exists to string together the fight scenes. And the fight scenes aren’t good enough to make up for the general suckitude.

The cheesy rip-off nature of the DVD makes this one impossible to recommend even to serious kung fu aficionados. Avoid.