During the course of moving all one’s worldly possessions from one location to another, one may encounter certain problems. Among these problems may be: What do I do about this 200-pound stacked washer dryer unit that I have located in my second story apartment up two flights of stairs? As I have recent first-hand experience with this very issue, I thought I would use my hard-won knowledge to elucidate the most preferable options for moving a 200-pound stacked washer dryer (henceforth, “the unit”) .
Therefore, consider the following options, listed in their order of desirability:
- Sell the unit to someone who will come around with several burly men to move it out of your apartment.
- Pay professional movers to move all your possessions, starting with the unit.
- Sell the unit to the people who will be taking your place in the apartment.
- Sell the unit to a second-hand appliance dealer, with the proviso that he must come and get the unit with his own team of burly men.
- Save the lives of several NFL offensive linemen from a stampeding elephant, at which point they will cry “You’ve saved our lives! How can we repay you?” Then you tell them that you need them to move the unit, at which point they will bitterly realize how you have tricked them, but it will be too late.
- Leave the unit as a lovely gift to the new apartment inhabitant.
- Abandon the unit.
- Put up several signs around your apartment complex stating: “Warning! Do not steal my completely unattended washer/dryer unit!”, each of which includes a map and arrows pointing to said unit, the unit itself being festooned with signs proclaiming “DON’T STEAL THIS!” Human perversity being what it is, this should guarantee that the unit will be stolen in short order.
- Do you like blowing things up? (This is a rhetorical question. If you have a Y chromosome, of course you like blowing things up. Very much.) Well, now you have a nice solid washer/dryer unit upon which to satisfy those desires. (Warning: Owner of blog disclaims any and all responsibility for an inadvertent maiming that may ensue from following this course of action. Or for that matter, advertent maiming. But neither will prevent me from posting the videos to YouTube.)
- Inform the police that the previous tenant used the unit as part of a marijuana-growing, which will force them to come out and seize the unit as evidence.
- Imagine that there are several hundred other detailed ideas for disposing of the unit listed here.
- Consider the tranquil eternity awaiting you in the sweet release of death.
- Should each and every one of these clearly superior options, for some reason, not be available to you, you may consider, strictly as a last resort, having several of your not necessarily burly friends bring over a dolly and manhandle the unit down the stairs and out to the truck. There are, however, drawbacks to this approach:
A. The possibility of immediate, painful death to someone below you should your grip slip. Gravity is a harsh mistress.
B. If you are the one situated below, in addition to the possibility of immediate, painful metal death barreling down an apartment stairway toward you, you also have joy of knowing, at the end of the day, that your shoulder will look like this:
I was unable to locate any NFL offensive linemen out on bail for the specific date in question. Or sober. (Maybe I was looking at college football teams.) I did try to create a dangerous situation for a wide receiver using an elephant costume and a large woman named Peaches but I never heard the result, and I am now out the cost.
But I have the receipt.