Posts Tagged ‘Monster Movies’

Oversized Arachnid Cinema

Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

Looks like I’ve been falling down on my Giant Spider reporting duties. A retro black-and-white giant spider film has been released called, oddly enough, The Giant Spider.

There’s an IMDB listing for it as well.

On San Antonio: Some Clarifications

Sunday, May 5th, 2013

Many of you reading this blog will be attending LoneStarCon 3, the San Antonio Worldcon this year.

Many of you reading this blog have also watched the SyFy Channel’s film Chupacabra Vs. The Alamo.

I know it may come as a shock to some, given the painstaking technical accuracy evident in other SyFy films like Mansquito and Arachaquake, but Chupacabra Vs. The Alamo does, in fact, take certain liberties. As such, to avoid disappointment among those visiting San Antonio for the first time, and given that it’s Cinco de Mayo, which plays an important role in the film, I want to offer up some clarifications on errors made in the film.

  • The Mexican border is southwest of San Antonio, not southeast. Southeast is the Gulf of Mexico.
  • There are no green mountains near San Antonio. Unlike, say, Vancouver.
  • Many people in Texas ride motorcycles, but they do so on roads, not against badly-composited bluescreens.
  • DEA Agents in Texas do not typically ride motorcycles with unsecured shotguns.
  • DEA Agents generally drive to crime scenes in cars, not motorcycles.
  • Especially not riding on the back of another DEA agent’s motorcycle.
  • People do not typically need to wear jackets in San Antonio in May. Unlike, say, Vancouver. (Though this year may be an exception…)
  • Animals the size of a Scottish Terrier are not typically capable of dragging away 200 pound police officers in full SWAT gear.
  • As the seventh largest city in the United States, San Antonio has a large, modern police force. They would not need a random assortment of DEA agents and rogue gang members to take out a few hundred wild dogs.
  • While many San Antonians are bilingual in both English and Spanish, seldom do they pepper their English with the very most common Spanish words, as though to say “Look, ese, I speak Spanish!”
  • Police interrogation rooms do not generally look like small business conference rooms.
  • Most Hispanic gang members in San Antonio don’t look vaguely Asian, and don’t speak with a slight Brooklyn accent.
  • It is very doubtful that repeating long rifles can be found in display cases at the Alamo, as the Spencer Repeating Rifle was not invented until 1860.
  • Even if they were in said display cases, it is very unlikely that they would be stored with live ammunition, ready to be used by anyone who broke open the case.
  • Even if the gunpowder hadn’t gone bad after almost two centuries.
  • There is no basement in the Alamo. (A point that I think has already been definitively established.)
  • There is no secret escape tunnel underneath the Alamo. If there was, I’m pretty sure 177 years of urban infrastructure development would have found it.
  • Especially if it was wide enough for 10 people to walk abreast.
  • Especially if it lead to a giant metal hatch in a parking lot near the Alamo. (Or, more specifically, a stage in front of a bad bluescreen projection of a parking lot near the Alamo.)
  • Chupacabras or not, DEA agent or not, if you blow up the Alamo, expect to spend a lot of time in jail.
  • As the 7th largest city in the U.S., San Antonio also has a large, modern Fire Department, so if you did blow up the Alamo, it would not still be giving off a plume of digital smoke well into the next day.
  • I hope this has cleared up any confusion anyone might have about San Antonio or the Alamo. Happy con-going!

    Big Ass Spider

    Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

    Here’s a trailer for the forthcoming film Big Ass Spider:

    It’s every bit as good as you would expect a trailer for a film called Big Ass Spider to be.

    I’m pretty sure the intro at the beginning of the clip was timed just right to make the bikini volleyball scene show up as the default YouTube image…

    Rare Exports: A Weird Christmas Horror Movie

    Monday, December 24th, 2012

    In his tomb in upthrust Lapland
    Dead Kris Kringle lies dreaming

    If you’re looking for a weird Christmas horror movie, you could do a lot worse than the Finnish movie Rare Exports. The son of a reindeer herder/butcher finds out that a team just over the border in Russia are drilling into a mountain they believe to be a tomb.

    It quickly becomes apparent that the tomb is that of Santa Claus. And the real Santa Claus is not the jolly fellow of Coke commercials, but a fearsome punisher of the wicked that looks a lot more like Krampus:

    What makes the film work is its cold, gritty, unsentimental realism. It really does look like it was filmed in a tiny village in Ass End of Nowhere, Finland. Save an unconvincing CGI helicopter at the end, and the strange coda that gives the film its name, I thought everything about the movie worked pretty well. Of recent Scandinavian horror films, I thought this worked better than Dead Snow, but not as good as Let the Right One In.

    Worth viewing, and available on Netflix.

    I was going to do a longer review, but I’m running out of Christmas.

    Random Thoughts on Watching Evil of Frankenstein

    Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

    Watching Hammer Film’s 1964 Evil of Frankenstein, several thoughts occurred to me:

  • You would think Baron von Frankenstein would be a little more circumspect about hiring a corpse-snatcher.
  • I wonder why Frankenstein needs two orange fountain drink machines in his lab.
  • “Hey, I’ll just go back to the castle they ran me out of ten years ago! I’m sure there’s no chance they will have looted all my expensive belongings!”
  • “Hey, my enemies are now the mayor and chief of police! I’m sure accusing them of theft couldn’t possibly backfire on me in any way.”
  • A mute, blind beggar women just happens to lead Frankenstein to his frozen monster. If she could speak, I’m sure she’d say her name was “Deus Ex Machine.”
  • Sure, a hypnotist is the obviously the first person you think of for reversing severe brain damage.
  • Somehow the mute, resurrected monster who’s never been spoken to understands every command given by the hypnotist. What a stroke of luck!
  • “There’s no way the monster could possibly misinterpret my vague command!”
  • “There’s no way they could possibly trace back the crime spree of a monster back to the castle he was created in!”
  • After the “incident,” I’m sure the Karlstaad police added “bottles of chloroform” to the list of things not to let people keep in jail.
  • Pretty much every major character in Evil of Frankenstein is an idiot. With the possible exception of the Burgermeister’s wife, who has a pretty sweet gig as bosomy eye-candy.
  • Important Safety Tip: Do not get Frankenstein’s monster drunk. Just not seeing a lot of upside to that brilliant decision.
  • First Pacific Rim Trailer Drops

    Thursday, December 13th, 2012

    The first trailer for Pacific Rim, Guillermo del Toro’s kaiju vs. giant mechs film, is out.

    Oh yeah. I’m there.

    Howard Waldrop and I have signed up to review this next year.

    Halloween Horrors: That’s Just How I Monster Roll

    Thursday, October 25th, 2012

    Enjoy the teaser trailer for Monster Roll, an indy film about sushi chefs vs. sea monsters that’s about to do a Kickstarter.

    Monster Monday: Attack of the Monster From the Id in Forbidden Planet

    Monday, October 15th, 2012

    Today I heard that some people are participating in “Monster Monday,” where they talk about some of the their favorite monsters.

    So here’s a quick glimpse of one of my favorite monsters in one of my favorite movies, the attack of the Monster from the Id in Forbidden Planet.

    The sound of the monster attacking is one of tracks I play out my windows on Halloween…

    Movie Memories of Excessive Vagueness

    Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

    Last Saturday I was over at A.T. and Carol’s house watching a Japanese science fiction action film called Returner (imagine every big budget American science fiction film between 1980 and 2000 being jammed into a blender and set to frappe and you’ll have a pretty good idea of the plot elements). It was fine if you didn’t mind the complete lack of originality, but we watched it because I thought it might be the one I saw a clip from a year or two ago. The problem is, while my memory of the clip is fairly clear, I can’t remember sufficient details to find it via a Google search.

    In the clip I saw, people were fighting some freaky looking monsters that were obviously some sort of CGI (about the same level of the CGI in Returner, i.e. better than the Skiffy Channel’s cheap monster movies, but not as good as a major U.S. release). I think the monsters were sort of pale and slightly taller than human sized (but not multistory kaiju sized monsters). It was live action, not anime. And they were fighting in some sort of open, brightly lit interior area, like an atrium, or foyer, or perhaps somewhere in a museum. And the monsters weren’t guys in suits and didn’t look anything like the monsters on Ultraman, etc.

    This should be enough to find the clip again, but it doesn’t seem to be. Maybe it wasn’t a movie, but part of a TV show. And maybe it wasn’t from Japan, but Hong Kong or South Korea. Or maybe Taiwan. (But not the Philippines. Probably.) And maybe they weren’t monsters, but aliens. Or maybe demons. Beings from another dimension? And I thought I saw it on Fark, but couldn’t find it when I searched there. Maybe it was linked from comments in the thread?

    Movies I know it’s not:

  • The Host
  • Funky Forest
  • The live action Hong Kong remake of Wicked City
  • Any ideas? It’s driving me to distraction…

    Edison’s Frankenstein

    Saturday, November 5th, 2011

    Did you know that the first first filmed version of Frankenstein was not the James Whale movie, but a 1910 Edison studios film?

    Though full of the hokey melodramatic tropes of early silent cinema, it actually follows the basic plot of the Mary Shelly novel more closely than the Whale movie, at least up until the happy (and vaguely slipstreamy) ending. The creation of the monster scene uses not one, but two special effects: running the film backwards and at high speed. I’m sure it blew people’s minds in 1910.